Confessions of a Former BCBA & PDA Parent

Many parents of PDA autistic humans experience waves of intense emotions.

Not because they don't understand behavior.

But because their lived reality eventually collides with everything they thought they knew about behavior.

Their learning history.

Their understanding of development.

Their experience with linear progress.

Their expectations of parenting.

Their expectations of education.

Their expectations of support.

And although these emotions are not always pleasant.

They make it much easier to identify the objective ridiculousness of much of the current "gold standard" support.

Of course.

Things only become objectively ridiculous once your perspective shifts.

And this is the part society would rather not touch.

Because it is much easier to argue about whether PDA autism exists.

Much easier to debate diagnostic criteria.

Much easier to discuss behavior.

Than to sit with the implications of what recognizing nervous system disabilities would mean.

For education.

For therapy.

For healthcare.

For parenting.

For all of us.

Most parents arrive here through lived experience.

Not theory.

Not research papers.

Not professional development.

Lived experience.

Trying all of the tried-and-true behavioral strategies.

Communication strategies.

Sensory strategies.

Support strategies.

The ones touted as the "gold standard."

Only to discover they further activate their child's nervous system.

Increase dysregulation.

And decrease access to previously acquired skills.

Then comes the realization.

A difficult one.

That despite what specialists.

And books.

And trainings.

And years of experience may have taught them.

Their child's behavior is not simply operating to gain attention.

Or access.

Or escape.

Or control.

Their child's highly sensitive neuroception perceives threat.

Particularly when autonomy or equality is not present.

And when threat is perceived.

Fight.

Flight.

Freeze.

And fawn.

Take over.

Sometimes so intensely that they override access to basic needs.

Eating.

Sleeping.

Toileting.

Grooming.

Talking.

Walking.

Safety.

Survival.

And so parents find themselves in a strange position.

Understanding that their child requires extraordinary levels of support.

Co-regulation.

Accommodation.

Safety.

And flexibility.

While simultaneously being told that providing these things will create learned helplessness.

Or reinforce maladaptive behavior.

And this.

This is where things start giving high-key ridiculous vibes.

Not because anyone is trying to cause harm.

But because lived experience begins colliding with inherited systems.

And once that collision happens.

Perspective shifts begin to unfold.

And it becomes increasingly difficult to unsee what has become visible.